tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7108902282183852277.post8036335949007578506..comments2023-04-16T06:15:57.683-05:00Comments on The Writing Spectacle: First Page ChallengeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7108902282183852277.post-62894049863321218382007-02-26T06:23:00.000-06:002007-02-26T06:23:00.000-06:00Is Kimmy not his sister? I thought she must be si...Is Kimmy not his sister? I thought she must be since the partner said 'You could always tell your sister' and Dennis replies '“Can’t. Kimmy needs me.”' Of course, it could be that the person who needs him isn't the same person as his sister, but I assumed they were when I read this.<BR/><BR/>I like the contrast between 'Serenity' which actually makes Dennis more nervous than a whole room 'packed with detectives and criminals'. 'Serenity'/his family obligations and the metaphorical way his sister might 'kill' him are obviously more troubling to him than real-life murder.<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure why Dennis is spitting at his partner, or why the partner's so sarcastic, though, given that the partner chose to remind Dennis, and Dennis would be even later if his partner hadn't reminded him. I'd have expected a bit more gratitude on Dennis' part. I suppose I tend to think of 'sarcasm' as being more negative than 'irony', but that could just be me.Laura Vivancohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00906661869372622821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7108902282183852277.post-47041472173074462092007-02-23T11:02:00.000-06:002007-02-23T11:02:00.000-06:00I like the way you start in the middle of the acti...I like the way you start in the middle of the action, <I>en medias res</I>, and you set up questions to keep us reading on. I like it so far. Dialogue's good too. I hate writing dialogue - it's the bain of my writerly life!<BR/><BR/>Oh, and have posted my first page - hesitantly!hesitant scribehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11882920406681074895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7108902282183852277.post-29103850091341107162007-02-23T10:26:00.000-06:002007-02-23T10:26:00.000-06:00Ah! I missed that it was yesterday.Well get going...Ah! I missed that it was yesterday.<BR/><BR/>Well get going then!! /sounds of a cracking whip/ :)Janiméhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08026290749080406453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7108902282183852277.post-64096118362985971422007-02-23T10:03:00.000-06:002007-02-23T10:03:00.000-06:00Oh, and you find out on page two why he's going to...Oh, and you find out on page two why he's going to Serenity and who Kimmy is. <BR/><BR/>Gotta keep 'em guessing. ;o)B.E. Sandersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04336115135400388268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7108902282183852277.post-57878415177678707472007-02-23T10:02:00.000-06:002007-02-23T10:02:00.000-06:00Thanks everyone. Day off? Eh. That was yesterday....Thanks everyone. <BR/><BR/>Day off? Eh. That was yesterday. You know what they say. "No rest for the wicked." Heh.B.E. Sandersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04336115135400388268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7108902282183852277.post-63551160007024239552007-02-23T09:53:00.000-06:002007-02-23T09:53:00.000-06:00And here I thought you were taking the day off ;-)...And here I thought you were taking the day off ;-)<BR/><BR/>Can't wait to read the rest!Janiméhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08026290749080406453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7108902282183852277.post-10559862825582124972007-02-23T09:19:00.000-06:002007-02-23T09:19:00.000-06:00No need to be gentle. it's good. You're right in...No need to be gentle. it's good. You're right into the story and you want to why he's going to Serentiy and who is Kimmy? <BR/><BR/>Keep up the good work :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02744937536946299450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7108902282183852277.post-60278285143153086952007-02-23T08:57:00.000-06:002007-02-23T08:57:00.000-06:00I like this a lot! Good tension and foreshadowing...I like this a lot! Good tension and foreshadowing and the conversation flows really smoothly. Leaves the reader wanting more. Great job.<BR/><BR/>"the sarcasm in his voice so think Dennis could have spread it on a bagel." What a great line! Love it. :)Anissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02773384041569563564noreply@blogger.com