Eclectic Post

First off I'd like to vent a bit about the book distributor for my area. They went belly-up and I haven't seen new books at the local stores for weeks. Weeks without new books! I'm seriously jones'n. This means that despite the fact Monica McCarty's latest hot Highlander book has hit the bestseller list, I haven't gotten a copy yet. Wah.

In happier news, I'm going to a real bookstore next week, and Borders should have a copy. It's on my shopping list along with eight other titles (so far - I may not be done writing the list yet). By this time next week, I should be happily surrounded by new reading material. It's just a shame I have to go out of town to buy books*.

As for writing, a read an interesting post this morning over at Karin Tabke's blog. She had a guest blogger by the name of Charlotte Featherstone, who wrote about staying true to yourself and to your characters. The hero of her recently published book Addicted could be considered unsympathetic (because he's an opium addict), and because of this I have no doubt she had one hell of a time getting it published. But she had to write him that way in order to remain to true to the story. Good reminder to us all, and a very positive note for those of us yet to be published. Gives me a bit of hope that maybe someday someone will want to read Caldera even though Myke's been called unsympathetic. (Which I totally don't see. I love her personality. Not that she's an addict or anything like that. She's just focused, and driven, and she doesn't suffer incompetence lightly - which can come off as bitchy sometimes.)

Another happy note: I got the last edit notes from my beta reader this morning! Yay. Her comments really made my morning. Nothing like hearing she had a tough time reading for edits when the story kept sucking her in and making her forget she was supposed to be beta reading. I'll be working on her suggestions this weekend, in addition to trying to get the synopsis written. With any luck, I'll be ready to start submitting soon. And this time maybe getting an agent.

Wouldn't that be loverly?

What are your thoughts on this fine pre-Spring day? Ever written or read a supposedly unsympathetic character that you just connected with? Any positive news to share?

*Yes, I can buy books online. I just love the bookstore experience too much.

Page by Page

You may have noticed I changed my word meter to reflect pages edited rather than chapters. The reason for this change is simple.

Nano is giving me fits.

Usually when I sit down to edit, I do it chapter by chapter. Sometimes I get more than one chapter edited in a night, but when the editing is slow, I just get one finished. With Nano, I'm lucky if I get a partial chapter done in an editing session.

Take last night for instance. I got eight pages done, and even those I'm not completely happy with. Chapter Four is the chapter where I really introduce the hero. (He's mentioned in a couple other chapters, but he doesn't make his POV debut until #4.) And I don't think I really have him down yet. I'm getting there. He's becoming a real person in my head. But I'm not there yet.

So anyway, I'm having to rewrite whole paragraphs and scenes to make Jack more alive on paper. Which is slowing me down to page by page editing. Maybe on the next round of edits, it'll all be easier again. (God, I hope so.)

How are things going in your work?

Connecting with Other Writers

This morning Alison Kent has a wonderful post over at GenReality about critique groups and crit partners and such. It really got me thinking about this lonely business of writing, and whether I'm doing enough to connect with other writers. I mean I don't belong to any writing organizations, I don't network on writing forums or other such sites, and I don't go out into the world to visit trade shows or writers' groups or conferences.

In some circles, this inactivity would be the kiss of death for a writing career.

Sometimes I consider doing some of these things. I've even joined a couple online writing things. I was very active in two of these, and if you've been around this blog long enough you know how those turned out (which is to say, not well). I still belong to a couple that I haven't really been active with, but probably should (if I can even remember my passwords after all this time). I've thought about joining RWA or ITW or something like that, but I just can't seem to muster the interest necessary to fork over all that money.

Instead I blog. I visit dozens of writerly blogs every day. I communicate via comments, and on occasion email, with other people in the profession. But is that enough?

You know every time I think this through, I ask myself that question. Sure, I have a couple of awesome beta readers (Hi guys!), but that's as far as that goes. I had a crit parter I met at one of the writing communities, but she disappeared last year. (Literally. One day she just stopped replying to my emails. No reason why. No 'it's been fun, but it's over' note. Just silence.) My BRs are doing an awesome job, but listening to everything around the net, it just seems like I should be doing more.

And then I look at Lynn Viehl. I don't know how many books she's published now (seems like it was around 35 the last time I looked), but she seems to do very well sans the whole 'getting involved' portion of the biz. She doesn't attend conferences, or trade shows, or participate in writing groups. She just writes - and very well I might add.

So what's a girl to do?

I guess I just keep on keepin' on. I write, I edit, I learn from my mistakes. I read other people's blogs and learn from their mistakes. Sure I'd like to have a half dozen people I can trust to read and comment on my work - if only for the sake of validation. (And yes, even hermits like me could use a little validation once in a while.) I love to have an awesome crit partner like I used to have - someone to bounce ideas off of, and kvetch to, and sympathize with - but in the whole scheme of things, it's not necessary. Because in the end, the only person capable of writing my books is me. Connecting with other writers would be fun, but when the books ever get published, they're my responsibility.

Anyway, I still have the blogosphere and all the wonderful people I've met here. You're all helping me whether you know it or not, and I'd like to thank you all for that. Hopefully I'm helping in my own way, too.

What do you do to connect with other writers? Do you have live people you connect with, or is it all online?

Missed Again

By now I'm betting you're wondering why I'm so stressed about this damn query copy thing. I mean, geez, that's all I've talked about lately. That's all I've been thinking about lately, too. When I wake up in the morning, I sit down and work on the damn thing.

Well, I was thinking about it yesterday. The reason I stress so much over the query letter copy is simple. I spent untold hours writing a book, and all that work either stands or falls based on one little letter. I know I've talked about this before, but it bears repeating. 94K words lives or dies based on whether 250 words can entice an agent enough to read more.

Pressure anyone?

So, I'm sorry if my posts have been a little irritating lately. I'm sure you're all sick of reading about it by now. I know I'm sick of thinking about it. In fact, I've been at this so diligently for so many days that now it seems like each subsequent draft blows chunks worse than the one before. But even the older drafts still aren't right. I thought I had it yesterday, but in retrospect, I missed again. :cue Phil Collins: Missed again, Ohh-oh-oh-oh. I think I missed again. oh-Oh-oh.

Anyway, whilst in the midst of this battle with submission materials, I am doing other things. I finally got around to working on the edits for Nano. The first bit - a sort-of prologue - still looks good, but I think the entire first chapter has to go. Snippity-snip. It's interesting and gives some important info, but it's not crucial and the info can be woven in later. Ba-bye words.

And as for C&D, I'll get back to Jordan later. Don't worry. The book is getting used to being put off, or at least it should be by now. Thank goodness it's not a time sensitive piece.

In other news, I got the first chapter of Blink back from a beta reader last night, and she likes it. Always a good thing.

But enough about me. What's new with you?

Hewp my bwain mewted

In a world where the Union rules everything, Mary Jones was raised to believe she’s nothing. When she stumbles across an underground society known as The Order, and they choose her for their mission to leave the city, she’s suddenly more important than she’s ever been allowed to know. On the run from the Union Guard, it’s either a chancy survival outside the city, or certain death within. With a man she’s not even sure she can trust as her protector, she travels through territory ravaged by a long-forgotten war, and discovers the truth about the Union. Returning could mean either her death or a chance at freedom for them all, but it’s worth the risk. She just never imagined she might have to force people to want to be free. And she never counted on losing her heart to someone who could betray her.

Needs work. I know. I've been at this off and on for days, though, so all I'm wondering is if I'm on the right track.

Uhh, yeah, I scrapped the other one. I know, I'm a freak. My bwain is dwaining froo my ears.

It's the writing... the writing, I say...

:trails off into maniacal laughter:

If anyone needs me, I'll be donning my 'I love me' jacket and drooling over there in the corner.

btw, if i get one more piece of spam telling me how much oprah loves acai berry, i'm going bat-shit friggin whacko

How Much Is Enough... or Too Much?

Writing a query letter is much like walking a tightrope. You have just so much space, and falling to either side of that space can be disastrous. (And part of the problem is you don't know you've fallen until after you're already smushed on the rejection concrete below.)

Yesterday Kristen asked if Blink has any romance, since I didn't hint at it in my last pass at the cover copy. It does. I mentioned it in one of my other drafts, but I eventually elected to delete that information. Why?

As I said above, there's only so much space. You have to make a decision on each story element as to whether it's crucial enough to stick into that space. In the case of the romance angle, I decided it wasn't germane to the crux of the story. It's like the suspense angle, or the betrayal angle, or the mystery. It's there, and it adds conflict for Mary, but the real story is her journey from crawling to fighting.

The urge is there to put in a snippet about the hero. I'd also like to mention the villain, but in the scheme of things, it's enough to use the Union and not mention the man who heads it. If I had the space, I'd talk about the grandfatherly Russell who introduces her to the Order.

I could delve into Mary's search for identity, because as a 'foundling' she doesn't really know her past or her family, and it's key to discovering who she really is as an individual.

See why writing a query blurb is so damn hard? It was actually harder for this book than any other so far. There's a lot woven into those 94K words.

Anyway, I think I hit the right balance. The book is broken into three parts, and each is represented in the three paragraphs - albeit not in any encompassing way. Time will tell if I got it right or it fell off the tightrope into the abyss. I just need to hook them, so they'll want to read more.

Now I have to write the synopsis (something I neglected to do last year for my aborted query pass). There's where I can let it all hang out - in five pages or less.

Heh. Is it any wonder I'm a wee bit loony?

.

Next!

And here we go again, with extra query verbiage added:

A foundling raised in a state home, Mary Jones should be a meek servant under the Union’s dictatorship. Instead, she has a tendency to wander where she shouldn’t be, and this time it’s straight into a forbidden store run by a member of a secret society—The Order and they need help. Before she can blink, they decide she’s perfect for a mission they’ve planned for decades. Now, she can either stay home where the Union Guard already has orders to kill her, or she can escape the city to search for traces of mankind outside.

If she survives long enough to return, that is.

Beyond the ravages of a long-forgotten war, she learns freeing her city means eradicating the Union—by herself, if necessary. The problem is: when she promised to free her people, she never dreamed they wouldn’t want her help.

Blink of an I is a 94,000 word speculative :or other pertinent genre: novel set in America’s distant future.

After reading :personalization:, :more personalization:. Almost four years ago, I quit the big city and my life in corporate America to write full-time in the relative solitude of tiny-town Colorado. Since then, I have five completed novels under my belt—Blink of an I being the most recent work.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

(BTW, I don't really space between paragraphs - that's a no-no - I just can't get the blog to indent text without becoming a huge pain in the hiney.)

Better?

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New Take on an Old Try

This was originally called Blurb7 - out of like 15 - and was written before I rewrote the middle and revised the beginning. I revised this to meet the changes I'd made to the book, so I can maybe hit the mark a little closer.

Let's see if this is an improvement.

Raised in the strangling embrace of the Union, Mary Jones was supposed to be exactly what they wanted her to be, to think what they wanted her to think, and to live how they wanted her to live. She failed. Fired from her job and denounced as incompetent, she wanders into a curious old store, and into the arms of a secret society known as the Order. Before she knows it, these strange people have chosen her for a mission no one else has survived. Unless Mary wants her life to remain the same, she must accept their plan to escape the city and discover whether other people still exist in the world—if only to prove life can go on without Union control. What she finds beyond the ravages of a long forgotten war will force her to accept the only way her city will be free is to eradicate the Union, even if she has to do it herself. But when she made the promise to free her people, she never dreamed they wouldn’t want her help.

Seems a little wordy to me, but it says what I need it to say. I think it addresses some of the concerns Kristen raised in her comments on the previous post. (Or maybe I'm just too close to see how I'm missing the mark.) Any help anyone can provide will be appreciated. In fact, if you leave a help-related comment about this blurby thing between today's posts and the time my poll closes, I'll enter you into a drawing for a prize - just as a thanks.

Maybe 2009 will be my year.

The Latest Incarnation

Well, after all the work I did yesterday, I scrapped everything this morning and went back to a draft I did several weeks ago. Not that what I wrote yesterday was crap. It was actually pretty good as cover copy goes. I was even prepared to go ahead with it, but when I looked at it this morning, I realized it didn't have the right tone. It wasn't in keeping with the voice of the novel.

So anyway, here's the latest incarnation. There's still something off about it, but I'm so brain-fried I can't figure out what. If any of you want to comment, feel free.

Raised as a foundling, Mary Jones was taught to believe she's nothing and no one. As castes go, she’s just one step above servants and slaves, and she’s lucky the Union allowed her that. But after she wanders across a secret group known as the Order, she discovers she’s more special than she’s been allowed to know. The Order sees something in Mary, a chance for success where so many others have failed. Mary’s only task is to escape the city and find others who may still be free beyond the wastelands, but after learning she’s always been a tool for the Union, she makes plans of her own. She’ll return to see her city free from the Union’s control, whether it wants to be free or not.

*shrug* It's close, but I don't want to touch it anymore for fear I'll screw it up. Like making spaghetti sauce - sometimes you know it's missing something, but you can't figure out what, and then the next thing you know you've added too much thyme and ruined the whole pot.

Hamster Wheel

Write, rewrite, edit... go back to previous draft... Edit, tweak, revise... Start over fresh... Revise, rewrite, edit, tweak...

Aarrgghh!!

Can you tell I'm trying to write the 'cover copy' portion of my new query for Blink? I feel like a friggin' hamster, running in his little wheel. Round and round. Never getting anywhere. I've been at it for two hours this morning already. Every time I think I've almost got the jist of it, I look at it and realize, something not right. It's driving me fruit-bat.

:sets hair on fire and runs down the street screaming:

Ok, not really. But that's what I feel like doing sometimes, ya know?

And it occurred to me this morning that I started this book over two years ago. For some reason I was sure I started this in '07, but no. First file date? August 2006. Yuck. I started it in August, finished the first draft in December, redrafted a couple times and then sat on it for a year. I re-redrafted it, and in January of '08 I sent out a couple queries. No nibbles. Then I got distracted again writing another book, and another book. Editing each of those, querying each of those... More Hamster Wheel activity... And finally, here I am with Blink re-written - yet again. And yet again, I'm rewriting the submission materials. First the query, then the synopsis.

Then submission.

Hamster Wheel. Run little furry guy, run.

Ever see a hamster get running so fast that when he falls, he just rides the wheel all the way around to the bottom again before either falling off or getting a fresh grip? Pretty funny stuff. Unless, of course, you're the hamster.

(Okay, so it's pretty funny even then.)

Of course, as frustrating and irritating as this writing business can sometimes be, I wouldn't trade it for any other job. And for all my occassional whining, I do love this endeavor. I just wish it was easier sometimes. Know what I mean?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have miles to go on before I sleep (considering it's only quarter after nine and I'm only really running in circles). ;o)

When I get it to a version I don't hate, I'll post it for y'all. Then you can tell me if you think it sucks or not. Maybe I'll make it an anonymous poll. LOL

Rewrite Complete, and Other Sundry Stuff

Last night I finished Blink's rewrite. All told, I ended up about 1000 words lighter than it was. There's no way to know for sure how much I actually snipped out because I added some along the way. One thing I do know is it's so much better now.

I also read Unwind by Neal Shusterman yesterday. It's a YA speculative with an interesting - if flawed - premise. It's tight and well written overall. Good stuff. One thing about it, though, made me want to talk about the book here today.

The premise flaws.

Well, not the flaws themselves specifically, but the fact that they are there. You see, I try really hard to make sure the premises I put forth - however wild - don't have any major, glaring flaws. The thing about Mr. Shusterman's book, though, is that it's well written enough that even with those flaws, he gets his point across and the story doesn't suffer for it. In fact, one major flaw didn't even jump out at me until after I finished the book and was trying to sleep last night. It may be a plot spoiler, but here's the niggler: you can't trade body parts between people with different blood types. (And it wouldn't have been noticeable at all if he hadn't made such a big deal about one of the characters being AB neg.) Simple stuff, really, and something that would probably be overlooked, but it got me.

Anyway, like I said, the writing was good enough that the flaws fell by the wayside. They made the first few pages hard to get into, but beyond that they were negligible. All in all, that is a really tough thing to do as a writer - make your writing strong enough to get the reader to ignore the flaws. (Of course, IMO, it would be better to have good writing and no flaws, but you get the drift.)

As I sit here this morning writing this, I'm wondering though. Is 'good enough' really good enough? Shouldn't someone somewhere along the way have pointed out that either an explanation is needed for why the flaw is possible or the flaw needs to be rewritten?

Agents say good writing trumps all. Does it? I guess in this case, it did. And really, the writing was excellent. I'll give Mr. Shusterman that.

Or am I being too anal this morning?

Oh, and once again I'm asking for readers. If you'd like to beta read Blink for me, I'll be happy to exchange crits or throw in a free book from the store. I just need some extra eyes to make sure I'm not committing any unforgiveable sins (like those flaws that drive me nuts). If you're interested, shoot me an email or leave a comment. Thanks.

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Achievement - Biggest Loser Style

I may have mentioned before (or maybe not) that I'm a fan of the show Biggest Loser. I got hooked a couple years ago after watching a marathon of it on Bravo. Seeing those people push themselves to lose weight, many of them after years of not being able to so much as eat smaller portions, was heartening. Seeing those people, who thought they could never do it, find the motivation to at least try is heroic. True, this time it's the lure of money, and since money is a great motivator, I say more power to them.

Now, I'm not overweight by any stretch of the imagination. (Although I am trying to lose weight, that's because the more pounds my bum leg carries the worse it feels. 140 is best; 163 was too much.) So that's not why I'm watching the show. I can't empathize with those people. I can sympathize because I've had some difficult things I had to get through myself, and because my sister's been battling her weight for 25+ years.

The main reason I watch is to see people doing difficult things and succeeding. It's the same principle behind watching Top Chef or Project Runway. Given a set of things to overcome, these people put their shoulder to the wheel and get the job done.

And what I hate about any of these shows are the whiners. With Biggest Loser this season, we had Joelle, who kept whining about how she was doing her best - but you could tell she wasn't. Even her own partner yelled at her. Even Bob the trainer (who has never flown off the handle in all the seasons of Biggest Loser) lost it and screamed at her. And still she went along her lazy way. If all the rest of the people were working out, she was sure to be seen sitting and watching - unless Bob jumped all over her. Now she's gone - voted off the ranch - and no one was sorry to see her go.

Another person I couldn't wait to see go, even though she was only back for a couple weeks, was Shanon. She and her mother were a team, and every week her mother (Helen) busted her butt to lose weight, but Shanon didn't seem like she could be bothered. In the end, she asked to be voted off because she was sure she could lose weight better at home. From the glimpse at her after she left, she was right. Unfortunately, in that mother-daughter relationship, it was clear she was going to do better without her mother around, because Helen was an enabler. Sad really. In trying to improve her daughter's self-esteem, she actually was crippling her ability to work through difficulties by herself. I didn't think Shanon was going to be able to lose weight, and I'm glad she proved me wrong.

Heh. There was a point in all this... Somewhere.

Ah yes, achievement. I like to see people achieve. I want to watch them succeed at their efforts. That's part of the reason I like sports. I need to see people taking that spark inside themselves and putting forth the tremendous effort it takes to win, and then doing winning. No whining involved.

It's also the reason I celebrate the launch of new books by people I know have busted their asses to see their books in print. I know how hard it is to write a book, and how hard it is to get something published. Seeing these hard-working people get it done, make me happy. (And conversely, seeing someone fall ass backwards into it, kinda ticks me off - but shit happens.) Sure, I'm jealous, but that just spurs me to work harder so I can achieve that success, too.

Without whining. Without complaining. Accepting the obstacles life sometimes puts in our way, and succeeding in spite of them.

Now if I can just get Biggest Loser to move to Thursday night, when nothing else I want to watch is on. This coinciding with NCIS thing is the pits. ;o)

Taking Advice Albeit Late

As I forge through the rewrite of Blink, I thought I'd take a break and thank those people who told me the beginning needed to start from somewhere else. Of course, that was over a year ago, and I wasn't in a place where I could SEE how right they were.

And how wrong I was to not see it.

It may take me a while, but I can admit when I'm wrong. The problem here is I was too close to Blink to see it. I loved the beginning. It said all the things I wanted to say and got the book moving. Or so I thought.

You see, I was so entrenched in making that beginning work, I couldn't see how badly it wasn't working. Hell, even after I knew it wasn't working, I had a devil of a time rewriting it. As I said before, the old words kept getting in the way of making a new start. I understand... They didn't want to die. But they had to, if the book was going to survive.

Now that they're gone, the story is so much better. A new start made a world of difference. I'm just sorry it took me a year to learn that lesson. And I'm sorry I didn't listen when people told me that truth whether I wanted to hear it at the time or not.

Don't get me wrong. I'm open to advice and suggestions - unless they seem like they're totally out of step with where I want my story to be. In this instance, that was the case, and I was wrong.

I didn't take 100% of the advice, of course. (It's the rebel in me, I guess. heh.) Back then, the idea was put forth to start the book at X point instead of Y. Instead, I threw out Y and created a totally new beginning to lead to X.

Starting at X would be too weird, IMO. And yes, I did try it. It really didn't work. Or at least it I couldn't find a way to write it so it would work. (Still can't. Starting at X seems too jarring - like throwing the reader in at a place where nothing makes sense. If that makes any sense.)

Anyway, the new beginning is finished, and I'm almost done weaving the new ideas into the original story. In deleting the old beginning, I had to snip a couple very minor characters, and now I have to get rid of the only other place they reappear. Plus, in the new beginning, I added some information that has to be worked in to later chapters. So far, it's all weaving together wonderfully well.

So, to those crit'ters who offered advice last year, thank you. I apologize for having my head up where it doesn't belong and not taking your words to heart.

Have you ever not taken someone's advice only to find out later they were right all along?

Wrap up

Just a quick wrap up before I cruise off to bed. I know I took my word meters down. (Had to. The pressure was killing me.*) But I got 1200 words out on C&D tonight. Yay me.

I also sent a snail mail query off today. Just testing the waters with an agent I hadn't heard of - with a reputable agency, so no worries. We'll see if she likes RTL. If not, she might be a good one for Blink. We'll see what she has to say. Over the next few weeks, I'll be sending out others - and for other books as well.

You see, between the comments from my lovely blogpals and this book I'm reading, I got the kick I couldn't give myself. I'm going to publish. I'm going to get an agent. I will see my books in print. (And not just off my own Lexmark.)

In other news, I'll be taking the hubby's computer in for service tomorrow. Not a yay, but if it fixes the problems, it's worth the lost work time. Here's hoping Walmart has Monica McCarty's latest Hot Highlander novel. Kill two birds with one stone. ;o)

What are you up to? Any progress in what you're doing? Any good things to report? Have you read Monica's new book yet? (If you haven't read her others, they are hot hot hot - and the stories are awesome, too.)

*Kidding. I just got bored with it. They might come back later.

Ta Da

Well, I finished Nano's first draft today. I don't remember how many first drafted books* that is now - I have at least one I never finished beyond that - but if I get this one through the edits, I'll be at #6. Five years, six books... not too shabby.

Let's see...

Spectacle
Caldera
AWJ (never finished beyond first draft)
Blink
RTL
Manhunter
Nano
(*okay, now I remember)

Of course, there are several I never got all the way to THE END on. C&D is one of those, along with one I call Redemption, another known as Be Careful (short for Be Careful What You Wish For). Add to that several shorts: Fire, Mirror, Haudego, Pigwell, Bad Fluffy Bunny, etc. - and that's something to be proud of.

I haven't sold yet, but I am proud. I'll be even more so when I'm published, but for now I'll bask in the glow.

As for completing Nano to the point where it's ready for other people to read it, I probably should take some time before I edit, but after so much time away already, the only parts still fresh are the ones I did recently. With that in mind, I'm guessing I've already taken my gel time on this project and should just get back to work.

Which, of course, means shifting either Blink or C&D to the back burner again. Hmmm, I wonder if I can work the schedule and do all three.

Time will tell. All I know at this point is that it just feels good to get back to work.

Writer Fix Thyself

Back in Utah, I bought this book - not because I thought I really needed it, but because I respect the author and I figured I could read it later. Problem with that was, I never did. As I was sorting through my store earlier this week, I noticed it again and decided to take it out of the store (can't remember why I even put it in there) so I could actually read it. At this point, I could probably use a little kick in the ass anyway, right? Lord knows kicking my own ass hasn't done me much good this time around. So between store work and school work, I started reading it again. And you know what?

It seems to be working.

Oh, I forgot to tell you what the book is. It's Grow Up America! by Dr. Michael Hurd. If you're not familiar with Dr. Hurd (and you're probably not), he's a psychotherapist with some decidedly new ideas on how to help people the rational way. I used to visit his site on a regular basis, read his 'Daily Dose of Reason', and soak up his knowledge like a sponge.

Anyway, one thing I got just from reading the first couple chapters is a reminder that A is A. Or basically what is, is - and that's all that there is, so make the best of it. Control the things you can control, and get over the rest of it. Sitting around wishing I had an agent isn't going to get me one. I can't control any of them or their reactions to my work. All I can do is write the best stories I can write, and sooner or later the rest will follow. I can't make it happen any sooner by sitting on my ass, whining about the unfairness of it all - or how hard it all is, or how unfair. Neither will pouting over how much I suck. If I think I suck, the only thing to do is to try harder not to suck.

Another thing Dr. Hurd points out is to look at life with optimistic realism. Start every situation with a positive outlook, and adjust to reality as necessary. Negative thoughts only perpetuate themselves. (I'm going from memory here, not quoting - so if I missed the point, correct me, please.) Which means if I think I suck, I will suck. If I hold the thought that I am a good writer, until reality proves otherwise, then I will continue to write well and continue to improve as I receive more information.

Well, duh. I knew that, but I forgot about it. I was spending so much time wallowing in my rejections that I couldn't see what was staring me in the face. I'm a good writer. I know that. I also know there is room for improvement - there's always room for improvement - but those things I need to improve on don't make me a horrible writer or a horrible person.

:grin: Sometimes all it takes is a nudge.

Dr. Hurd doesn't fix people. He shows people how to fix themselves. And I need to work on that just as hard as I work on everything else - harder even because sometimes I can be a slacker.

And on that note, I have to say I wrote 1600 words last night - 1000 on C&D and :drumroll: another 600 on Nano! I might actually finish this book now that I don't think I suck.

Here's hoping all of you have a productive and successful weekend.

=o)

Five Years

So, it's been a half a decade now since I started writing seriously. As you might have noticed from my post a couple days ago, sometimes this fact hits me like a sack of wet cement. (Almost like my 30th birthday and my upcoming 40th in another 16 months.) Sometimes it just gives me pause, and I look back at the things I've learned over those years. Today is one of those look back and ponder days.

Yesterday, Jessica Faust over at BookEnds wrote an excellent post called Rolling with the Punches in which she says: "Give It Five Years... In my opinion, five years is the time you need to really be able to judge whether or not your business is working.". At first this statement about derailed me. Since it's been that exact amount of time for me, I wondered whether this particular tip was going to indicate I should probably chuck this business of writing and take a job at the local grocery store. (How hard can scanning food into a cash register be?) Lucky for me, that isn't what she was trying to say at all. In the second paragraph of that, she goes on to say that at five years look back and evaluate your progress.

Have you learned anything or are you still in the same place you were when you started? I've learned a bunch. I've learned that this isn't anywhere near as easy as I assumed when I started (not the writing part, but the publishing part). I've learned that not everything I want to write is going to mesh with the market - and that sometimes that's okay because writing with the market in mind may mean not being true to myself. (Tried to write for the market - failed miserably.)

True, in some ways I'm still in the same place. After all, I'm not published, I'm not agented, and I'm still adding to my rejection collection. But for the most part, I've grown as a writer. My work now is much tighter and cleaner than it was five years ago.

Additionally, I've grown as writer as it pertains to the business side of this enterprise. My query letters and other submission materials are much better than they were when I started trying to get someone interested in Spectacle. I'm receiving partial requests and full requests. So I must be doing something right. Right? Another thing Ms. Faust mentions is a change in my publishing network, which has certainly happened. (Many times over, as a matter of fact.) I still don't belong to any writerly groups - well, I used to, but that didn't work out - but I have people I can connect with in this business. I have this blog, for instance, and I have a wide range of blogs I read and comment on, which is sort of like a big amorphous writerly group.

So all in all, I'm moving ahead. Not at the rate I originally assumed I'd be moving at, but forward motion shouldn't be discounted even when it's baby steps.

As for the accomplishments of the past five years, I've:

- Written five books (Spectacle, Caldera, Blink, RTL, Manhunter) to THE END.
- Revised and revised and revised all of the above.
- Gotten book six to almost THE END, and I've restarted a series I've been meaning to write for the past three years.
- Written umpteen query letters, synopses, outlines, bios, etc. With each pass getting stronger.
- Had a great CP
- Lost a great CP (has anyone seen my missing CP?)
- Made some awesome new friends (some of whom have also become beta readers - thank you)
- Started and maintained this blog. I've even had some notable people stop by.
- Guest blogged for another blog.
- Wrote and entered a few shorts to competitions and lit journals.
- Started two other blogs (although posting has been sporadic at best)

During all this, I also started homeschooling my daughter, and we've been at that going on four years now. Who knew I could re-learn Algebra, and teach myself enough Chemistry to point her in the right direction?

Looking back, I guess I really don't have anything to bitch about. I'm sure I could've done more to get my career off the runway. I could've sent more queries. I could've learned about the business more before I sent Spectacle out into the world, so maybe it wouldn't have failed so miserably. But what's past is passed, and as much as we might like to, we can't change what's gone before. We can only learn and move forward.

Thanks to Jessica Faust for reminding me about that part. She really is an awesome person - whether she knows how much she's helped me over the years or not.

Your turn. How long have you been writing? What are some of the lessons you've learned over your time in the business? Do you feel like you've grown or are you in the same place you were when you started?

Shhhh

:imagine this in whispers: I don't want to jinx anything, but I wrote some new words last night. Not a lot of words, mind you, but enough to get C&D rolling again. yay. :end whisper:

And on the subject of being quiet, can anyone explain to me why the level of noise seems to be rising? Is it just that I'm creeping up on 40, or is a large portion of our populous really looking forward to being deaf some day?

Years ago, I read a really great article on this noise thing, but right now I'm at a loss as to the name of the writer or the article. He theorized that it had something to do with people wanting to shut out reality and/or their own thoughts by turning their stereos up. (You know, it's really hard to think with the bass booming and some person/band shrieking in your ears.) Made a lot of sense to me then, and it still does.

Not that it's just stereos, iPods, CD players, MP3 players, etc. (You'd be surprised how many kids in this little town blare their iPods - like loud enough to hear across the street.) People seem to be talking louder, too, but maybe that's just a function of the self-induced hearing loss. :shrug:

Thoughts?

Scattered

As you may know, I've been trying to work on at least two unfinished projects - Blink and C&D. The problem is I still have Nano to finish. AND my brain has been skipping to ideas for other projects I either haven't started, or completely new stories I haven't even plugged into my Ideas file yet. I can't seem to get my brain centered on one thing long enough to keep at it.

And it's making me so scattered I'm unable to get a firm grip on anything.

For instance, in the middle of Manhunter, I got the idea to write it as one of a series - each about a serial crime of some sort. (Since the organization behind Manhunter is a serial crimes task force.) Manhunter deals with a different kind of serial murderer. The next book deals with a bizarre serial rapist (not bizarre as in those things normal society sees as deviant acts of sexual behavior - beyond the raping itself, that is - but bizarre in what drives him to do what he does). A third is also a serial murder story, but with an interesting twist. Those two books after Manhunter are ones I've been thinking about for a while, but I just got the idea for a fourth in the series - having to do with a serial arsonist this time.

And then there is the fact that C&D is being written as part of a mystery series. Same problem. I have the first book. I have a general premise for the second and third. Just now, the idea for a fourth popped into my head.

(Don't even get me started on the 9 pages worth of other ideas I already have in my files.)

No wonder I can't get my brain to focus on the two... okay, three books I already have on my plate to finish. I'm thinking there's some psychological reason behind all this, but I'm stymied as to how to fix what's going on in my head. I mean, all this could be my brain throwing new ideas out as roadblocks - because if I can't finish something, I won't have the opportunity to get rejected again. Could be.

Anyway, I'm scattered, and it's making me stuck. I try to move past it, and you know what happens? My brain throws more things at me while I'm trying to fall asleep. The other night I made some real progress on getting back into C&D, and as soon as I went to bed, the muse barfed up a new plot line for a book I'm not even planning on writing (at least not in the foreseeable future). Dirty rat bastard.

I guess I just need to sit still for a while, figure out what in the hell is going on in my subconscious, and get my ever-widening ass back to work. Or if not the former, definitely the latter.

Ever run across this type of thing in your own world? Ever have your subconscious attack you when you think you're trying to get something done? (I think it's akin to when you know you have to clean the bathrooms, and suddenly you find yourself doing laundry, or vaccuuming, or baking... anything to avoid the chore.) Any thoughts?

Links and Things

First off, let me just say... IT'S FRIGGIN' FREEZIN'!!! I just walked in from shoveling snow, and I had to get that off my chest. I mean, four degrees and snow?? Who's idea was that? Yuck.

Now, for the real post...

This morning as I was skipping through the blogosphere, I came across some interesting posts I thought y'all might like. For instance...

At BookEnds, Jessica shares a letter from a reader that I think any writer can relate to. Some days this business of trying to move from unpub to pub can really suck. I feel bad for the teen who wrote the letter. I mean, I started doing this at 34 and even with my self-worth firmly set, it wasn't easy. I can't imagine what it would be like at 17, when you're still pretty unsure of yourself anyway, to be getting rejection letters. Ack. All I can say to the writer of that letter is: Hang in there, kid. Oh and: Don't let the bastards grind you down.

In other news, Monica McCarty's latest hottie Highlander novel releases today. I'm not usually a fan of historicals, but this series has me wanting to inhale them all. I'll be panting in line to buy in today (if the local store has it, that is - otherwise, it'll have to wait until my next book trip).

If you haven't seen it already, there a new blog in town. Last monday was the launch post of a writerly blog called Genreality. Plenty of good authors are hanging out there, including one of my favs: Lynn Viehl (aka Paperback Writer). So far they've had some interesting posts, and I'm guessing it'll prove to be a valuable source of information in the days ahead.

Over at The Fictionistas today, Kristen Painter discusses the various words and phrases coined by The Bard himself. I don't know about any of you, but I love Shakespeare. As I said in my comment on the site, 'he's da man'.

Otherwise, I'm just reading and trying to write. In the reading category, I've got my hands on the second Dresden Files novel (or is the third?): Fool Moon. Like the Dresden books I've read before, this one is a good read. Not only that, but it's also good research (on how to write an excellent mystery) and it's good inspiration. Reading it has led me to revisit my own mystery series.

Which means I'm back to re-re-reading Cut & Dried. While it doesn't have any paranormal or fantasy elements like the Dresden novels, it has that same quick wit and gritty reality you see in the works of Raymond Chandler, Mickey Spillane and Erle Stanley Gardner. I'm thinking of billing Cut & Dried (the first JA mystery) as what would happen if Mickey Spillane and Rita Rudner had a love child who was then raised by Janeane Garofalo (without her politics, of course). So far, it's pretty funny and, I hope, fairly hard-boiled. Time will tell.

Of course, I'm still working on revising Blink. I think I'll leave it for the weekends, though, and get back to my old schedule: Write on weekdays. Edit on weekends. (Since I'm only 84 pages into C&D, it counts as new writing.)

What's new in your world? Seen any good posts?