Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.
- Napoleon

Friday, July 25, 2008

The Gangly, Awkward, Unpopular Kid Strikes Again

Twenty years ago I was the gangly, awkward, unpopular kid. (Okay, twenty-five years through twenty years ago... Or maybe more. Think of it as the entirety of the teen years.) I didn't have many friends, and looking back, even those people I called friends I wasn't as close to as I thought. I lived in my own world, did things pretty much my own way, and suffered the consequences of being different. It's not a story you haven't heard before, so I won't delve into it too deeply. The teen years were unkind to many of us. If we're lucky, we've grown and left it all behind to become the confident and stable adults we are today.

But here's the problem. Every once in a while that gangly, awkward, unpopular kid seeps into the present day me. There's a long explanation, and after typing it - then deleting it - I realize it's too pathetic to post. Suffice it to say, I'm not feeling like the confident and stable adult I ought to feel like.

It's days like these that make me want to curl up under my rock and let the world go on without me. These are also the times when I want to take all my manuscripts, start a bonfire in the backyard, and roast weinies*. Then find something productive to do with my life. Something that has me behind a desk working on someone else's projects and nets me a biweekly paycheck. When I long for the days of typing the boss's correspondence and answering phone calls from irate customers, I know I've hit a bad place. When I'm looking through the local want-ads and 'Administrative Assistant' at the local pig farm sounds good... Well, you get the idea.

As I've said before, part of the key to solving the problem is figuring out what the problem is in the first place. So, I guess knowing that I'm pert-near the bottom means I can begin to climb back out again.

Do you ever have those days when you feel like you suck, everything you do sucks, and the world sucks in general? Any tips for climbing out of that place? Were you ever the gangly, awkward, unpopular kid?

(*Don't worry. There won't be any bonfires and I'm not quitting any time soon. Besides, there's a city ordinance against bonfires in backyards, and my landlord would object anyway.)

1 comment:

Leatherdykeuk said...

I feel like that for about one day a fortnight. My dark poetry is at its best during the time, but my prose is dreadful.