Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.
- Napoleon

Saturday, September 15, 2007

The Broken Cookie Theory

As we leave the summertime with its wealth of exercise and activity (typically), I thought I'd share with you the Broken Cookie theory of dieting. It should help when those sweet treats are calling you, and your scale is groaning from the added poundage you're acquiring.

The theory is: A broken cookie has no calories.

You see, when a cookie breaks, the calories escape. Therefore a broken cookie is completely calorie-free.

This only applies to cookies broken naturally, of course. Don't think you can go around breaking your cookies before you eat them. Many a hapless girl has fallen into that trap, let me tell you. The unfortunate fact is that when you break a cookie on purpose to drain the calories, you actually end up doubling the caloric content of the broken halves. The energy you take to break the cookie is transferred into the parts. Tragic, but true.

Of course, this doesn't mean the cookie has to be eaten whole. No. Apparently biting a cookie portion that has been naturally broken doesn't add any measureable calories. (Whew, that's a relief.)

So, my suggestion is to scope the supermarket for their bargain bin - the one with the damaged items in it. Snatch up every package of smashed cookies you can find, and eat to your heart's content.

Now, if there were only a 'broken ice cream theory', I'd be skinny as a rail in no time.


Alex Adams said...

Damn, so attacking the packet with a hammer won't work? *sulks*

I'm off to Walmart. Their cookies are always broken.

B.E. Sanderson said...


You kill me.

Lane said...

My nibble of choice is cheese but haven't yet worked out how to 'accidentally' break it. Throw it at the grater perhaps?