Take It Like a Man... Even if you aren't.

On my journeys through the blogosphere, I've heard a similar refrain in several places. Agents getting blasted for sending out a rejection.

To use an analogy: Looking for an agent is like trying to find a husband.

It takes time. It takes patience. It takes... dare I say it... WORK. If you see a nice guy on the street, in a bar, at the mall, etc., you walk over. You maybe say Hi. You either hit it off or you don't. If you don't hit it off right away, this would be a rejection letter based on a query. If you hit off the first meeting, he may ask you to meet him for drinks. Compare this to requesting a partial. Once again, either the date goes well or it doesn't. It may lead to more dates (a request for full) or it may lead nowhere (a rejection letter). If you're lucky, by this time, he's giving you a reason it didn't work him. If not, you'll get the standard "It's been real and it's been fun. But it hasn't been real fun, so see ya." At this point, you don't scream at him because of his choice. Any more than he should scream at you for yours. Life happens. If it leads to another date, and you really like the guy, you get all gussied up and put your best foot forward.

Cut to the future where he's already read your full, so to speak. At this point, if you've done your homework and he's the right one - and he's done his homework and you're the right one for him - then it's time to make it all official. In romance, you get married. In publishing, you get a contract and you have an agent.

Now, let's say for argument's sake, after the first date, the guy tells you - nicely - that he's really not into you. (Maybe he likes hip-hop and you like jazz. Or he's into tattoos and you swear you'll never get one. Whatever.) At this point, shrieking at him is counter productive. (Actually, it's always counter-productive, but I'm trying to make a point.) He's knows most of the other available guys in your area, and he's not afraid to tell them what a shrew you are - not to be snotty, but because he doesn't want his acquaintances to go through the same little piece of hell he went through. In one fell swoop, you've alienated most of the good catches, and you're left with the rejects.

It's no different in the agent world, I suspect. They know each other, and they watch each other's backs. Lord knows I would if I were them. Writer A pulls a hissy with Agent Q. Agent Q has lunch with Agents T-W, and they share stories about who to avoid and why.

(Of course, this works in the opposite direction as well, but that's a subject for another time.)

So, do yourself and the world a favor. No matter how livid you are about a rejection, keep it to yourself. Buy yourself a big huge soft dolly and kick the crap out of it instead. Take boxing lessons and work out your frustrations there. That way, no one gets hurt - especially yourself.

If nothing else... Take it like a man. Even if you aren't. (And if you are a man, flip the genders. ;oD )